Disturbia

Deciphering between two differences. Though one is familiar, you have come to no avail. The other doesn't look very sustaining, at least, for any significant amount of time, but you must stop and consider it because it is irresistible. You think to yourself that since success is damned in both directions, why not try something new and unexplored? You will probably lose your way and possibly get pretty messed up in the process, but you have a burning desire. The loss suddenly becomes obsolete. You are craving your fix. You take all these negatives into consideration, but you are attracted to the mystery. You let your mind wander. You are pulled in like a magnet. It's a thief in the night to come and grab you, it can creep up inside you and consume you, a disease of the mind, it can control you, it's too close for comfort. Suddenly, a part of you feels like a kid again. You are sitting in your bed and moving your feet and clenching your blankets, wagging your little tail to every humored fantasy that comes to your mind. Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered. You find yourself sleeping a little longer, and a little more deeply. Could something so addicting really give you peace? Even just the thought of it?

-- Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a psychoactive and synthetic drug. Though not particularly a hallucinogen, it contains similar chemical makeup to methamphetamine and hallucinogen mescaline. This drug acts as a stimulant as well as a psychedelic, causing extreme enhanced enjoyment from typical experiences and may cause distortions in time, and in perception. A typical pill will kick in exactly 60 minutes after consumption, and the high will last exactly 180 minutes. This is called Ecstasy. (See also: XTC, Love Drug, Adam Hug, Beans, E). Ecstasy is mainly executed on brain neurons that use Serotonin. Serotonin, in short, is a monoamine neurotransmitter. Essentially, endorphins. Serotonin carries impulses between nerve cells. This particular neurotransmitter is meant to give you a feeling of happiness, and well being. The serotonin system plays an important role in regulating mood, aggression, sexual activity, sleep, and sensitivity to pain. --

Disturbia...the whole idea of it. There is a dark side to every single thing. Every killer lives next door to someone, right? Every thief, every addict, every home wrecker, ever heart breaker. They are all just around the corner, maybe even closer. So what happens when we start to need it? Some drugs are not physically addictive, just psychologically. What happens when we need bad things? When we need a fix. When we yearn and desire something that we only know is going to hurt us. Do we pursue it for temporary pleasure or try and suffer through withdrawals, praying not to relapse? Is there really one that is better then the other? You know what they say...once an addict, always an addict. Whether you are a using/active addict, or a recovering addict, is your decision, but it is often impossible to completely forget the high, even after "recovery".

Baby, after one fix, I was addicted.

I have somehow blurred the line between rehabilitation and relapsing. In the real world, one drug does not cancel out the addictions of another, but this is not the real world, this is my world. A Bittersweet Symphony. There is a dark side to everything. Where one thing appears good, it has given such a bittersweet aftertaste, and if you don't taste it yet, you will soon. Everything goes bad with time, and nothing is preserved. The prettiest flower, the highest height, the greatest treasure, the most satisfying substance...the sweetest kiss. But I sit here and I ponder to myself what 7 billion people seemed to have never realized...maybe it is not the substance that grows old and boring, weak and unsatisfying. Maybe it is the substance that changes us. We grow bored of the prettiest flower. We grow accustomed to the highest height. We grow tired with the greatest treasure. We grow old and weak with the most satisfying substance. We grow calloused to it. We build a tolerance. Occasionally, we end up hurting ourselves more in the end. Sometimes, we are the substance that gets wasted and forgotten. But we chase the temporary fix, because life itself is temporary. Nothing is really preserved...we will all relapse eventually. So if you must falter be wise. Your mind is in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light. We grow more attracted to the sweetest kiss. The sweetest sin. But when it leaves us empty handed, is when we taste the sweetest disposition.

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad. Never did this before, that's what the virgin says. We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says, God talk to me now, this is an emergency.

Sometimes we know that it won't last, but we seek it anyway. We know that the pressure of presence doesn't help, but we work around it. We know that the crowds and occasion doesn't help, but we find a way to make it the center of reasoning. We know that the costumed temptation doesn't help, or does it? We know that your pure heritage French Imported Vodka doesn't help, but we use it to our advantage. We know that these chasers don't help, but we use them anyway. We know that this complete mess of a room doesn't help, but we add to it. We know that being 85 miles from home in a two bed-one bath with individual key cards doesn't help, but we milk it for all that it's worth. We know that those eyes don't help either baby, but by then I am already finished. Truly the sweetest candy I could have found on a night like this. Is this a trick, or a treat baby? Because you have got my mind upside down and my heart inside out.
I got to get out or figure this shit out...
It's too close for comfort.


And baby, I'd write a symphony...