Plead The Fifth

I'm just going to take a brief moment and angrily vent out some of my hearts pressure. The things that cause you anger and pain, but you know they will never change. No matter how hard you try, the damage is done and there really is NO hope for reconstruction. I am angry that it had to come to this. I am angry that seemingly, I am the only one that cared enough to try, and my try was not a triumph. Believe me, I understand your heart well enough to defend you against even myself, which makes me the greatest attorney at law anyone has ever seen fail the bar exam, but TONIGHT, I can't bring myself to speak at your defense anymore. I need to let these walls come down. I understand the numbness and confusion. I understand the wonder and amazement. I do not understand how, in every direction that I turn, love fails over and over again. Today, November 10th, 2009, I have officially and completely lost hope for love. There is no such greatness, until death do us part from ourselves. I have yet to witness two successful candidates. One of them always fails the other one, or vise versa. Sometimes, they fail each other. Sometimes, people just decide not to care anymore. Sometimes, it's a combination of everything that I have mentioned. Of course, I haven't really lost hope. How could I? It is human nature to seek out love, and even if I deny it, I will instinctively override my mind and do it anyway. Like telling my lungs not to breathe...they are involuntary muscles. They have a mind of their own. But in my anger and despair, I ask WHY THE HELL is it always the same DAMN cycle? Why are we all sucked into the fictional depth of the words, "I just want you to be happy" and "It was just not meant to be". Words and phrases designed to be band aids and morphine for the heart. Last time I checked a damn medical journal, band aids and morphine don't do a THING to the heart, they just numb everything else for a short time. I'm pretty sure it emotionally works the same way. I see a picture every night that is about 7" x 12" and it's full of memories of my best friend. The one who can lay my out on paper. The one who can read me like food coloring in water. Better then any human being on this earth. The one who told me a lot of things that never came true, but also told me that they couldn't see my life without them. I could be asking for a HELL OF A LOT OF THINGS...and to think...I'm only asking for a simple HELLO once in a while...a simple display of interest. Maybe one day I'll find that again, or maybe it IS hopeless. Maybe it's this whole planet. Now, I have over a thousand rebuttals coming to my mind in your defense. We're one person now, remember? I'm always in your defense, remember? I know you like you know me like we know each other. One. So then I contradict myself. Maybe I am the greatest attorney at law to ever give as statement, but if that's the case, then I might sentence myself to life, without parole. But when did I become the judge? When did I become the defendant? There are no witnesses or jury. I will not defend you anymore. I am sorry...I still love you, but life must keep moving. You are beyond the point of no return. I have lost, so you have lost just as badly. You decided this.
Court Adjourned.