Put Me On A Plane, Fly Me To Anywhere.

Thirty-One Million,
Five-Hundred & Thirty Six Thousand Seconds.

Five-Hundred & Twenty Five Thousand,
Six Hundred Minutes.

Eight Thousand, Seven Hundred & Sixty Hours.

Three Hundred & Sixty Five Days.

Fifty Two Weeks.

Twelve Months.

Four Seasons.

One Year.

Ago.


My hindsight is blurry tonight while my foresight is sobering from this year of darkness. If they don't put me away, it'll be a miracle. Jesus Christ, I am alone again, so what did you do those three days you were dead? This problem is going to last more then the weekend. More then this week. For it has already lasted this long, I believe it is about time that it is delivered. If you could stand death for two-hundred & fifty nine thousand, two hundred seconds. Four thousand, three hundred & twenty minutes. Seventy two hours. Three Days. I think I can stand this...maybe. In some cases, death sounds more appealing. But I understand that length of your sacrifice, and the incomparable puny measurement of my mistakes. I believe I am missing out, and that everything good is happening somewhere else. With nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through. I will die all alone, and when I arrive I will not know anyone. Jesus Christ, I am scared to die and I am scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot or float through the ceiling? Do I divide and pull apart? Because my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark. My ship went down just in sight of land. At the gate, does Thomas ask to see my hands? I know you are coming in the night like a thief, but I've had some time, Lord, to hone my lying technique. I know you think that I'm someone you can trust, but I'm scared that I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up. Do you think that we can work out a sign? So I'll know it's you and that's it's over, so I won't even try? I know you are coming for the people like me, but we have all got wood and nails, and we turn out hate in factories. We sleep inside this machine. So tonight, my mind takes a trip into the past. Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that I am not there, I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this, like every inch of me is bruised. Please don't fly fast, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I got, so keep it steady now...because every inch of me is bruised. The in-flight radio doesn't help. Every word of every song I ever heard that made me want to stay, is what's playing through the in-flight radio. I am finally waking up. Only music can capture me tonight. Without it, I am surely damned to my own mind. Let me know if I still have time to grow. Things aren't always set in stone. It seems like street lights, glowing, happen to be just like moments passing in front of me, so I hopped in the cab and I payed my fare, see, I know my destination but I'm just not there in the streets. I remember driving down Ventura Boulevard and my tears are blurring my vision worse then my owned Godforsaken judgment. My judgment in my perception, as well as my judgment in my actions. They seem to always coincide like that. Life's just not fair...we make it this way for ourselves. I'm just not there in the streets. I'm just not there. Your love is 1000 miles away, approximately, at the moment. These memories made in the coldest winter...goodbye my friend. Will I ever love again? Memories made in the coldest winter. Goodbye my friend. If spring can take the snow away, can it melt away all of our mistakes? I won't ever love again. Ever again. Never again. My head keeps spinning, I can't stop having these visions. I often wonder how sometimes, artists can see into the souls of their listeners. I suppose I am the same way. Art is relate-able, art comes in a universal unisex all-size-fit package. Custom make for all. Artists who connect with artists, creates more art. Give and take I suppose. It's amazing, I'm the reason everybody's fired up this evening. I'm exhausted, barely breathing, holding on to what I believe. No matter what you will never take that from me, my reign is as far as your eyes can see. It's amazing. I'm a monster, I'm a killer, I know I am wrong. I'm a problem that will never ever be solved. Only I can solve myself, because I am the only one that hasn't forgiven myself. So amazing. I'm losing all my friends, I'm losing all my friends to drinking & to driving, but I got them back. I am on the mend, at least that I can say that I am trying, I hope you will forget the things that I still lack. Is it in me now? To bear to hear the truth that I have spoken? Twisted up by knaves, to make a trap for fools. Is it in me now? To watch the things that you gave your life to broken? To stoop & build them up with worn out tools? Nothing gets so bad, a whisper from your father couldn't fix it. He whispers like a bridge, it's a river spanned. I need to take all that I have and turn it into something I would miss if someone threw that brick and shattered all my plans. It's time to get the seeds into the cold ground, it takes some time to grow anything before it comes to an end. So before you put m body in the cold ground, take some time to warm it with your hand, before it comes to an end. So I take a step back, and I ask myself...do you miss the blend? The colors she left in my black and white field? Do you feel condemned just being there? My answer is the same. I am not yet ready to be gone with it, so I still blame myself. The screams inside my head, I am not your friend, I am just a man who knows how to feel, I am not your friend, I am not your lover, I am not your family. Yeah...and I still remember myself before it all. I used to be such a burning example, I used to be so original. I used to care that I was being cared for and made sure I showed it to those that I love. I used to sleep without a single stir, because I was about my fathers work. Take me out tonight. This ship of fools I am on will sink. A milestone around my neck...be my breath, there is nothing that I wouldn't give. I used to pray that God was listening and I used to make my parents proud. I was the glue that held my friends together, but now they don't talk and we don't go out. I used to know the name of every person I kissed...now I have made this bed and cannot fall asleep in it. Throw me that lifeline, this ship of fools I am on will sink. And months later, never hit the brakes. There is no time to save him, he just ran out in the street. Anyone know his name? I think I recognize him, sure as hell paid for that mistake. So why doesn't it feel like I have? Like standing in front of a mirror. Goodbye to sleep, staying up is exactly what I need tonight. I'll take apart my head and take apart the counting and the flock it has bred. Goodbye to love, it's a ride that will push you up right against a wall. Chew it up and swallow it. I'm brought back but I am running. I'll find sleep in the end tonight. I can't shake this little feeling that I'll never get anything right. Tonight I have to say to myself, goodbye you liar. You sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything. Then you think you will inspire. I'll take apart my head and take apart the demon in the attic to the left. Goodbye my love...you brought me back and now you are running. I am on my own. Please, take my back to your bed, I love you so much that it hurts my head. I don't mind you under my skin, I let the bad parts in. When we were made, we were set apart. Life is a test and I get bad marks. Some saint got the job of writing down my sins, now the storm is coming. The storm is coming in. I know that the storm will pass, it is only for this week. I know that the clouds will open up in redemption. I know that the sun will continue to shine, but tonight is my two weeks notice. I need this clarity. So hey...Mr. Hangman, go get your rope. Your daughters weren't careful, I fear that I am a slippery slope. So even if I lay my head down at night after a day I got perfectly right, she won't know. So pray little Kay, that love is just God on a good day, and you can't blame your mother, she's trying not to see you as her worst mistake. I wish that I could tell you right now that I love you, but it looks like I won't be around, so you won't know... So they say in heaven there are no husbands and wives. On the day that I show up, they'll be completely out of their forgiveness supplies. I can't use their telephone to tell you that I'm dead and gone, so you won't know. So touch me or don't...just let me know where you've been. I miss you. I miss myself. I seem to have missed my opportunity as well, but I will sure as hell not miss it again. Here's your ride, get your petals out and lay them in the aisle. Pretend your garden grows and it's your day to wed. We've found your man, he's drinking up, he's all American. He'll drive, he's volunteered with grace to end your life. It's sad to hope, leave your shell to us. You'll explode. You firefly...a tiny boat with all...further on, the world tilts back and poison pours. Your satellite, you're a tidal wave, you're a big surprise. The signals interrupt. Maybe the frequency isn't strong enough. It remade my hands and smile. I will miss you, but in time you will get set up, and we will write. You were right about me, can I get myself back from underneath this guilt that will crush me? In the choir I saw a sad Messiah. He was bored and tired of my laments. He said, I died for you one time, but never again. Never again. never again. Never again...

Well I love you so much...
But do me a favor baby,
Don't reply...
Because I can dish it out,
But I can't take it.

I think I can finally let go. I think I can finally forgive myself. I should have done this so long ago, and I am so sorry. I learn from mistakes, I just wish I had the wisdom not to have to fuck up in order for me to learn. It has been 365 days of nothing but constant fucking up, and Lord willing, I can make the next 365 days a time of mending, learning, understanding, and love. I pray that I can make up for all of this blood and burn on my hands. I pray for myself, and all that I have wronged. I pray for others. I am so sorry.

A year ago today, I lost many things that I can never get back.
I lost an uncle, I lost a tire, I lost a sure destination.
I lost my pride, I lost my heart, I lost myself.
I lost my judgment, I lost my guard, I lost my mind.
I lost my trust, I lost respect, I lost hope.
I lost my intimacy, I lost a friend, I lost a love.

And everything I gained, were acronyms of all of the above.
I gave up long term for temporary. I gave up my rights.
I pray that now...I can get them all back.
Or at least, that I can be okay without some of them.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

A life of forgiveness. It is not impossible.
Good morning Los Angeles, this is a new chapter.



Note From The Author: I do not expect my readers to keep up or understand the previous work that was written. Do not take my writing literally, but do not take everything as metaphor. This blog is an expression of self, and you are not meant to understand. You are an audience to my symphony, your opinions and views are greatly appreciated, but the true meaning is in the eye of the writer himself, not the interpretation of the reader. Thank you for reading.


Works Cited: I'd like to thank the artistic genius of the following minds and all who they represent - Dan Layus, Kanye West, Andrew McMahon, Bryce Avery and the simply ingenious work of Jesse Lacey. You few men, with a handful of others, have made this world a more beautiful place to be. Never stop doing what you do. Never stop inspiring.

You Are Here, Even Though You Are Gone...

This came to me unexpectedly, so often as these things do...


I just don't understand why this is happening. I KNEW it was going to happen, I in fact warned others about it, but I suppose I wasn't ready myself. Maybe I am ready, it's just the fact that death itself can often rattle a persons brain. What is death? Extinction of life to an individual. To cease to exist. After death, there seems to be a certain "golden touch" affect that occurs, where everything that a particular person has touched or come into contact with, seems to be tainted in a certain dark way. In the last 9 months, I have experienced 4 deaths. None of which who I have been very close to, but it is interesting how just the idea of someone you once knew, no longer living, that can fuck with your mind like nothing else. I will not disclose any of the names of the people who have passed, out of respect, but I assume most of my readers know who they are. I dedicate this to them, to their families, and to all that they have affected, in live or death. I pray that the Lord shows their souls mercy and compassion. It is such a terrifying idea that one day not too far off, none of us will enjoy the enigma of life. It just seems to slip away from us all too quickly...I cannot imagine what you friends and families are going through. I'm sure I will find out soon enough...but I am dreading that day, when I lose someone close to me.

First, overdose.
Second, suicide
Third, brain tumor
Fourth, murder...with a semiautomatic pistol.

What has this damned world come to? May God himself watch over the immediate victims of these tragedies. Though none of you were close friends of mine, my heart goes out to all of you. My condolences and tears are shed for you. I cannot even begin to understand your pain, a pain that is unfair for you to feel, but try and hold trust, steadfast in faith. The Lord will deliver. You have my word.

I am so sorry...

Tonight, our tears are one in the eyes of His son.
Our hearts are in sync.
Our minds are in wavelength.

Rest In Peace, Children of God. Brothers & Sister.


Rest In Peace







http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5yVNNTYJ7Q

There Will Be Tears, Have No Doubt.

UGH. I let out a hard sign. I pace back and forth in my room, while still dressed in my formal attire. Brown velvet tie and striped winter vest, with matching long sleeve shirt. $400 cashmere & wool on my back. On the outside I am expensive and extensive but on the inside I am troubled. Most people think it should be the other way around. My trouble stems from multiple things tonight, things that I will not write about at this time because I am writing this for a different reason. I pace back and forth and I sit down, I finally undress & get comfortable. I reason with myself. I nod off while my computer screen dimly lights the room. Tonight is just one of those nights. One of those nights where you feel alone, but not lonely. A night where you just feel like you are on a COMPLETELY different level then anyone else. Like no one in your world truly understands where YOU are coming from. You can explain, you can take hours of your life and try to convey your opinion, but it will only end in more disagreements. Some people just do not and will not get it.

In my being alone, I start to miss you. This is written to you, and you know who you are. I would like to come out and clear the air before I proceed. There are things that I have done that I wish I hadn't. There are things that I have prematurely said in anger and emotion that I wish I haven't. There are things that I have written that do not match up with how our situation is truly playing out. For all of these things, please forgive me. I am sorry for speaking too soon. I am sorry for thinking too much. I am sorry for not truly understanding, though my pride sometimes jumps to false conclusions. I told my close friend tonight a solid truth, that one of the main reasons why I enjoy writing so dearly is because it is the only place where I can state EXACTLY how I am feeling without the worry of who is around to hear it, regardless of consideration for whether what I am writing be actually be a TRUTH, instead of just my over-zealous, paranoid opinion. I am often misunderstood due to my age, look, views, or accomplishments. I often am not treated with the respect that I damn well deserve, so I write it. People can judge a face. People cannot judge the ideas behind the face, they can only disagree. So I often will write things (especially in my blog) that are straight from my emotion pit, my heart, when sometimes the actual stemming situations will occur and play out differently. I will be the first to say that we have not treated each other how we should have. You to me, and me to you. We deserve better. We are capable of better. But tonight, I reached a sort of epiphany that I must voice.

I Miss You.

I am not talking about romance or emotion, physical or intimate. I am speaking simply of friendship. You are the only person besides a handful that actually understand me, and I know that I am one of the few to understand you. I miss just talking. I miss our connection and how we could just UNDERSTAND. I miss how we finished each others sentences. I miss how we could sit on a telephone line for an hour without exchanging one word. I miss just venting to you about my day, and not only do you listen to the entire thing without interruption, but you will also point something out to me at the end that I did not see, and you will enlighten me. I miss your friendship. I miss your faithfulness and loyalty. I miss your heart. I miss hearing about EVERYTHING. I took it for granted. I just pray that I can find it again, possibly. I hope.

Note To Reader: This particular blog was posted late, and the correct publishing date is -
November 18th, 2009

It's 5 O'clock.
The hour stops the sunlight
The buildings shade the masquerade
and kill time

We're nothing more then
Fools and whores and sad highs
Through the summer sand
We're living in a wasteland.

Confessions of a Broken Heart.

You don't understand how perceptive I am. One would think you would know by now. It's 4:33 AM, November 12th 2009. I am tired and beaten. I am barely conscious...but conscious enough to see things that I wish I hadn't. Seems like the last 3 months has been full of that. It's time to let go I suppose. I've clearly been a pawn in your chess game. Thank you for making me believe that it was special. Specialty lasts...and I have indefinitely and irrevocably faded into memories. I see some things haven't faded. I am not going to write a long blog about this because it simply isn't worth my precious time. Already too much of my precious time...has been preciously wasted. All my other blogs could be deleted, it's all babbling bullshit. They don't matter now, all the optimism and justification and understanding. I have exerted myself beyond humiliation. My heart is bursting at the seams. You have finally given me a reason to finish a song I wrote a long time ago. An empty silence fills this room, with every unspoken word. With noise of a silent end, my thoughts begin to blur. And our imperfections have been for so long that we hardly notice there is anything wrong at all. An empty silence fills this room, with all the things I've heard. Why do we just pretend that no pain has been endured? And our misdirections have gone for too long, it's time to take the old roads back to where we belong. You've chipped off little pieces of my heart for a while, and this time, it finally crumbled. Considering you have half of it now...please put it in a bottle and send it to the bottom of the ocean. I'd rather have nothing then wake up somewhere that I don't want to be. Love is empty, love is cruel, love it blindly breaks the rules. Rules aren't all that's broken tonight. It's a disaster baby. Someday, somehow, I'm gonna be alright but not right now. I imagine you could probably care less anyway. At least, that's what every action has shown me. Take this sinking boat, and point it home, we've still got time. Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice, you made it now. For the first time...home is not where you are, or ever will be. Goodbye.

Plead The Fifth

I'm just going to take a brief moment and angrily vent out some of my hearts pressure. The things that cause you anger and pain, but you know they will never change. No matter how hard you try, the damage is done and there really is NO hope for reconstruction. I am angry that it had to come to this. I am angry that seemingly, I am the only one that cared enough to try, and my try was not a triumph. Believe me, I understand your heart well enough to defend you against even myself, which makes me the greatest attorney at law anyone has ever seen fail the bar exam, but TONIGHT, I can't bring myself to speak at your defense anymore. I need to let these walls come down. I understand the numbness and confusion. I understand the wonder and amazement. I do not understand how, in every direction that I turn, love fails over and over again. Today, November 10th, 2009, I have officially and completely lost hope for love. There is no such greatness, until death do us part from ourselves. I have yet to witness two successful candidates. One of them always fails the other one, or vise versa. Sometimes, they fail each other. Sometimes, people just decide not to care anymore. Sometimes, it's a combination of everything that I have mentioned. Of course, I haven't really lost hope. How could I? It is human nature to seek out love, and even if I deny it, I will instinctively override my mind and do it anyway. Like telling my lungs not to breathe...they are involuntary muscles. They have a mind of their own. But in my anger and despair, I ask WHY THE HELL is it always the same DAMN cycle? Why are we all sucked into the fictional depth of the words, "I just want you to be happy" and "It was just not meant to be". Words and phrases designed to be band aids and morphine for the heart. Last time I checked a damn medical journal, band aids and morphine don't do a THING to the heart, they just numb everything else for a short time. I'm pretty sure it emotionally works the same way. I see a picture every night that is about 7" x 12" and it's full of memories of my best friend. The one who can lay my out on paper. The one who can read me like food coloring in water. Better then any human being on this earth. The one who told me a lot of things that never came true, but also told me that they couldn't see my life without them. I could be asking for a HELL OF A LOT OF THINGS...and to think...I'm only asking for a simple HELLO once in a while...a simple display of interest. Maybe one day I'll find that again, or maybe it IS hopeless. Maybe it's this whole planet. Now, I have over a thousand rebuttals coming to my mind in your defense. We're one person now, remember? I'm always in your defense, remember? I know you like you know me like we know each other. One. So then I contradict myself. Maybe I am the greatest attorney at law to ever give as statement, but if that's the case, then I might sentence myself to life, without parole. But when did I become the judge? When did I become the defendant? There are no witnesses or jury. I will not defend you anymore. I am sorry...I still love you, but life must keep moving. You are beyond the point of no return. I have lost, so you have lost just as badly. You decided this.
Court Adjourned.

When Angels Cry...

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah...Hallelujah...

We as humans, often create or find glory without even trying or realizing it. We could just as easily find create tragedy, but it is in the mind of the writer, the eyes of the director, the ears of the composer, the scent of the designer, the taste of the stylist, and the hands of the artist...who decide how to give life.
It is what we make it. We are what we make ourselves.


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah...Hallelujah...


We as humans, often in the path of growing up...learning and maturing, we face things that we may or may not be ready for, but it molds us as people. We realize afterward that we of course COULD handle it, because we have defeated it. I know for me, her grip was bounding. She tied me up in her and did not let me go. She broke my throne, my pride, and my kingdom crumbled. She cut my hair like Samson himself, and she was the only one that I gave permission to. She took my strength and seized my heart. I was bound by ropes...in her crumbling temple. From my lips, she drew the glorious cry of fate. I had let her in completely. There was nothing left for me to give. But I will be the first to say that often it will take merciless binding, beating, and betrayal to really mold someone. People need their thrones shattered, their kingdoms obliterated, their strength cut, and their hearts seized. This is what makes us shine. This is how we understand failure, because without knowledge of failure, we cannot be truly successful. We all must have the hallelujah drawn from us eventually, so we know what it is like. We cannot understand light without understanding darkness. We cannot see a laugh or a smile as hope, without knowing the hopelessness of a cry. We cannot truly live full life without understanding regret. We cannot passionately love without understanding heartbreak and abandonment. We cannot appreciate art without depiction of average. We cannot recognize white without recognition of blackness. Unfortunately for us...the negative is natural, and the positive is learned. We understand negativity, evil, and pain, before we ever know what is positive, righteous, and comforting. We must understand how to destroy and kill before we understand how to preserve and save. We are born damned, seeking a cognitive band aid. Disturbia. Though everything has an equal opposite counterpart, we need one just as much as the other. This is what makes our world, perfectly imperfect. This world is simply an opportunity. Why miss it?
It is what we make it. We are what we make ourselves.

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march

Well, maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light


And it's so funny how things change. It's funny how we can become so comfortable and familiar with a surrounding so quickly. How we can adapt and settle, relocate and re-establish. Natural human instinct, I suppose. Your flag and marble arch used to make me gawk at what I had discovered, now I only see it as a symbol key of potential possibilities of what else I could discover. No longer a treasure, but a reason and a motivation. Every dream starts with an idea, but you can't build your dreams and ideas without understanding your distastes and mistakes. And I most assuredly learned from love, how to shoot someone who outdrew me. You have made me a Blacksmith of love, baby. I am the fastest finger in the wild west coast. But without you...I would have never learned in the first place. This is not a cry that you hear at night, a sobbing scream for help. This is not a path of understanding or enlightenment. This is the life of winning and losing, giving and taking, rolling with the punches. You will fall. Can you stand back up? Blackjack or Bust...
It is what we make it. We are what we make ourselves.


It's not about deciphering between black or white, it's not even about understanding it. It's merely about seeing the specs of white in the black, and the specs of black on the white.
It is about seeing the COLOR of it all.

It is what I make it. I am what I make myself.


It's a Cold & it's a Broken Hallelujah.

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Disturbia

Deciphering between two differences. Though one is familiar, you have come to no avail. The other doesn't look very sustaining, at least, for any significant amount of time, but you must stop and consider it because it is irresistible. You think to yourself that since success is damned in both directions, why not try something new and unexplored? You will probably lose your way and possibly get pretty messed up in the process, but you have a burning desire. The loss suddenly becomes obsolete. You are craving your fix. You take all these negatives into consideration, but you are attracted to the mystery. You let your mind wander. You are pulled in like a magnet. It's a thief in the night to come and grab you, it can creep up inside you and consume you, a disease of the mind, it can control you, it's too close for comfort. Suddenly, a part of you feels like a kid again. You are sitting in your bed and moving your feet and clenching your blankets, wagging your little tail to every humored fantasy that comes to your mind. Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered. You find yourself sleeping a little longer, and a little more deeply. Could something so addicting really give you peace? Even just the thought of it?

-- Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, a psychoactive and synthetic drug. Though not particularly a hallucinogen, it contains similar chemical makeup to methamphetamine and hallucinogen mescaline. This drug acts as a stimulant as well as a psychedelic, causing extreme enhanced enjoyment from typical experiences and may cause distortions in time, and in perception. A typical pill will kick in exactly 60 minutes after consumption, and the high will last exactly 180 minutes. This is called Ecstasy. (See also: XTC, Love Drug, Adam Hug, Beans, E). Ecstasy is mainly executed on brain neurons that use Serotonin. Serotonin, in short, is a monoamine neurotransmitter. Essentially, endorphins. Serotonin carries impulses between nerve cells. This particular neurotransmitter is meant to give you a feeling of happiness, and well being. The serotonin system plays an important role in regulating mood, aggression, sexual activity, sleep, and sensitivity to pain. --

Disturbia...the whole idea of it. There is a dark side to every single thing. Every killer lives next door to someone, right? Every thief, every addict, every home wrecker, ever heart breaker. They are all just around the corner, maybe even closer. So what happens when we start to need it? Some drugs are not physically addictive, just psychologically. What happens when we need bad things? When we need a fix. When we yearn and desire something that we only know is going to hurt us. Do we pursue it for temporary pleasure or try and suffer through withdrawals, praying not to relapse? Is there really one that is better then the other? You know what they say...once an addict, always an addict. Whether you are a using/active addict, or a recovering addict, is your decision, but it is often impossible to completely forget the high, even after "recovery".

Baby, after one fix, I was addicted.

I have somehow blurred the line between rehabilitation and relapsing. In the real world, one drug does not cancel out the addictions of another, but this is not the real world, this is my world. A Bittersweet Symphony. There is a dark side to everything. Where one thing appears good, it has given such a bittersweet aftertaste, and if you don't taste it yet, you will soon. Everything goes bad with time, and nothing is preserved. The prettiest flower, the highest height, the greatest treasure, the most satisfying substance...the sweetest kiss. But I sit here and I ponder to myself what 7 billion people seemed to have never realized...maybe it is not the substance that grows old and boring, weak and unsatisfying. Maybe it is the substance that changes us. We grow bored of the prettiest flower. We grow accustomed to the highest height. We grow tired with the greatest treasure. We grow old and weak with the most satisfying substance. We grow calloused to it. We build a tolerance. Occasionally, we end up hurting ourselves more in the end. Sometimes, we are the substance that gets wasted and forgotten. But we chase the temporary fix, because life itself is temporary. Nothing is really preserved...we will all relapse eventually. So if you must falter be wise. Your mind is in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light. We grow more attracted to the sweetest kiss. The sweetest sin. But when it leaves us empty handed, is when we taste the sweetest disposition.

See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad. Never did this before, that's what the virgin says. We've been generally warned, that's what the surgeon says, God talk to me now, this is an emergency.

Sometimes we know that it won't last, but we seek it anyway. We know that the pressure of presence doesn't help, but we work around it. We know that the crowds and occasion doesn't help, but we find a way to make it the center of reasoning. We know that the costumed temptation doesn't help, or does it? We know that your pure heritage French Imported Vodka doesn't help, but we use it to our advantage. We know that these chasers don't help, but we use them anyway. We know that this complete mess of a room doesn't help, but we add to it. We know that being 85 miles from home in a two bed-one bath with individual key cards doesn't help, but we milk it for all that it's worth. We know that those eyes don't help either baby, but by then I am already finished. Truly the sweetest candy I could have found on a night like this. Is this a trick, or a treat baby? Because you have got my mind upside down and my heart inside out.
I got to get out or figure this shit out...
It's too close for comfort.


And baby, I'd write a symphony...